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Jan 4 / Michael

Name this bear!

What’s my name, foo’?

Check this bad boy out. He’s from my sweet new 2010 Black Bear calendar. Yeah, after recording the most important events of last year on The 2009 Dungeons & Dragons Calendar by Hasbro, I felt like I needed to step up my game a little. Now every month will begin with one of these lumpy, lovable predators staring out at me with a look that says: Got any nice garbage? Maybe like half a crushed Twinkie? Some coffee grounds?

The only problem: The bears don’t have names. That’s where you come in. Check out this low-quality photo of the high-quality photo of January’s bear o’ the month—I know it sort of looks like he’s BREATHING OUT RAINBOW but that’s just the glare (OR IS IT?)—and let me know what you think his (or her?) name should be. Just put it in the comments. Winner gets half a crushed Twinkie.


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  1. Michael / Jan 4 2010

    I’m just going to put Beary Manilow here so that no one else does. And Bear Grylls is taken. Everything else is OK.

  2. krista / Jan 4 2010

    bear nanke.

    bear naise?

    bear racuda!

  3. Michael / Jan 4 2010

    The last one is inspired, though I should point out: The names do not need to include the word bear. It could be, like, Chester or Gustav or Lily. Or Droopy Lippman.

  4. Kurtis / Jan 5 2010

    First of all, that’s obviously a female bear. I think she’s even wearing strawberry-flavored lip gloss. Second of all, her name is Ursula.

    Third, go Black Bears.

    – Kurtis (Maine ’95)

  5. Michael / Jan 5 2010

    Ursula, resplendent in strawberry lip gloss and honeysuckle shampoo… I wouldn’t want to be there when she went in for a pedicure, though!

    Go, Black Bears! Is there a big ursine, Pine Tree State rivalry with the Bowdoin Polar Bears? Or do you guys just pwn them?

  6. Kurtis / Jan 5 2010

    I doubt Maine plays Bowdoin in any sport people care about up there (i.e., hockey) because Bowdoin is too small to compete.

    Put another way, I doubt the students at Bowdoin want to engage in any activity where they would come into contact with the hoi polloi of a public institution.

  7. Kurtis / Jan 5 2010

    I was a grad student at Maine and remember having Ursula in my freshman comp class. I can’t quite describe what she handed in for a final paper — it definitely challenged my definition of “paper,” though it may have once been part of a tree. However, she did get an A. She visited during me office hours and I found her arguments for a better grade very persuasive.

  8. Michael / Jan 5 2010

    Did she explain that she simply couldn’t bear anything less than an A? Or just knock some stuff over and empty out your candy dish?

    In any case, you probably aren’t surprised that she’s a big calendar star now. It sounds like she was always very toothsome.

  9. Meeks / Jan 5 2010

    I call him GROWLY!

  10. Michael / Jan 5 2010

    Full name: Growly McGrowlerson?

  11. Meeks / Jan 6 2010

    No, just Growly. Like Stampy or Pinchy. Or Madonna.

  12. Michael / Jan 6 2010

    OK, those can be his aliases, like when he checks into a hotel and doesn’t want to be disturbed all winter.

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