How to pick up a mamba #2: Mamba Points Method
Tuesday, July 13th, 2010The last time we discussed how to pick up a black mamba, the answer was pretty straightforward: “Very carefully.” This time, it’s a bit more complicated, because we are talking about Kurtis Scaletta’s new middle-grade novel Mamba Point. Begin by heading to your local bookstore. Peruse the shelves for this sleek creature. A fully grown specimen will look something like this:
If you don’t see it—and let’s be honest, many bookstores may be frightened by its razor sharp plot points—simply walk up to the counter. Once there, establish firm eye contact with the employee (they are notoriously skittish). Then repeat this phrase: “I would like to order a copy of Mamba Point, like the snake.” As you say this, make a dramatic two-handed snake fang sign:
The timing should be approximately as follows: [Hands at sides, seemingly relaxed] “I would like to order a copy of Mamba Point, like”—[begin strike!]—”the snake [finish strike, fingers pointing down at the floor, fangishly; these are your mamba points].”
A good strike will be almost too fast for the eye to follow!
The employee may jump back or just look at you quizzically. Feel free to adopt a cool, snake-face expression for emphasis.
Finally, drop your hands down to your side and leave your phone number or email address. As you turn to leave, nod at the helpful, possibly terrified employee, and say the following: “Fangs a lot!” Wait approximately 1 to 3 days for the book to arrive.
