“It was dark, and Stormy Knight…” Rejected opening lines for my new horror novel
“AAAAHHH! My eyes are up here. AAAAHHH!”
With my second YA and first MG written, I find myself with some time to write a horror novel. Back in the day, I published spooky little stories everywhere from Weird Tales to the Notre Dame Review but, uh, that was a while ago. Let’s just say there was some rust to scrape off. Herewith, the rejected opening lines for my new horror novel:
It was dark, and Stormy Knight moved cautiously. He’d been burned before, and bumped, besides.
“Oh, crap: A monster!”
The McHenry’s lived in a post-war, pre-exorcism apartment, just off the park.
There are bad days, and then there are bad days involving Cthulhu.
In all of nature, there is no animal more ravenous than the shrew, and no rodent larger than the capybara. That is why they should never have been allowed to mate.
These are great. I love the pre-exorcism one in particular. Let’s not forget:
“You never forget your first succubus.”
“Sarah walked down the aisle wearing only leeches.”
“Nothing wakes you up faster than having your face eaten.”
“I gazed across the nursery until my eyes settled on the infant with the inverted crucifix burned across its forehead.”
“When we kissed, I could taste the spiders.”
Joe, man, these are frickin’ brilliant. (No fair, though: You’re a pro!)
First lines are always fun to think about. All the excitement and promise of writing a novel with only 1/10,000th the work…
“Yep, this guano is going to make me a wealthy man!” Michael boasted as he went into the cave, the last time he would be seen in his present, fully human form.
“Fully human form”… *sniffle* That’s the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me!
“I always hate when you start to hear the monster music”
or
“ewww, do i smell wet dog or damp mummy?”
“I’m a talking axe!” said the axe,menacingly, and unexpectedly.
Or the hip-hop remake, starring Ice Cube: “If you don’t know, you better ax someone.”